U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
