I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
