his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
