i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
