Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
