I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
