my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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