Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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