Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
