i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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