A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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