If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm really busy with my period
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