Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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