onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
