So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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