Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
