dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
