as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
