I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
