I faked an abortion last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
