Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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