now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
