So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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