I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
