And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
