im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
