you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
