so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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