we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
