I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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