two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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