well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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