Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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