Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
