I just threw up on my dentist
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
