How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your shirt... Was in my pants
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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