When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
