I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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