he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
