I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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