I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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