You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
