Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're so committed to being not committed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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