Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
