wakey wakey hands off snakey
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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