i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
