I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
