the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
