Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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