It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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