did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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