You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
