gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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