We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
