Say something about gay babies.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You made out with two different species that night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
