Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
