I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
